Thanksgiving Thoughts

In lieu of my usual weekly blog post I'd like to share with you a cornucopia of brief inspirational good reads for your Thanksgiving holiday. Happy Thanksgiving!

History of Thanksgiving

Brush up on your Thanksgiving history with this refresher from History.

 

yada, yada, yada: a secret way to cope when you are pretty much sick of the world, the holidays & a crazy life

Ann Voskamp offers some deep thoughts on giving thanks in a world that's falling apart.

 

A Thanksgiving Reader

Seth Godin has compiled a wide variety of poems and quotes to read aloud with your family.

 

The ABC's of Thankfulness

Find out what the Pioneer Woman is thankful for, then make your own list!

 

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My Life Is Not a Hallmark Movie

I’d like to talk to you about my favorite Hallmark Christmas movie, The Christmas Card. I hesitated to write about Christmas since we have not yet celebrated Thanksgiving, but then I remembered that the Hallmark Channel’s “Countdown to Christmas” movie marathon begins each year on Halloween, so I think I’m in good company. Oh, and I won’t be offended if any of you holiday purists would like to save this article for your December reading.

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The Christmas Card tells the heartwarming story of a soldier stationed in Afghanistan who receives a Christmas card from a small town charity project. The card becomes a lifeline for him and takes him to charming and hospitable Nevada City, California, on his next leave just in time for Christmas. Enter a classic Hallmark Channel love triangle with a predictable juxtaposition: girl must choose between long-time-nice-guy-city-slicker-boyfriend and mysterious-new-yes-ma’am-manly-man. In The Christmas Card, it’s Faith choosing between Paul—a wine broker with bad hair—and Cody—our kindhearted and studly soldier. We all know there’s no contest here.

Several years ago The Christmas Card was serendipitously on TV on Thanksgiving Day, so my family and I watched it. Why was this serendipitous? The character of Paul—yes, the one with the bad hair—and the obviousness that Faith should not choose him gave my family a personification of their feelings about the boyfriend I’d brought home for the holidays. Like Paul, he was a decent guy but a bit disengaged and very different from me. For these reasons and others, that this boyfriend and I were a mismatch was as clear to my family as the Hallmark viewer’s knowledge that the girl should always choose the masculine newcomer. My family told me as much—though they did so gently and expressed confidence in my ability to make a wise choice. I’d already begun to have a few concerns about this boyfriend myself, so my family’s confrontation simply forced me to face them head-on.

Up to this crisis point in my story, I’d been feeling like the heroine in my own Hallmark movie. All the necessary elements were present—holiday traditions, loving family, cozy fireplace, visiting boyfriend. As the reality of the decision before me sank in, one simple fact harshly reminded me that my life was in fact not a Hallmark movie: I had no Cody. While Faith had to choose between Paul and Cody, I had to choose between a decent-though-not-quite-perfect-for-me boyfriend and no boyfriend, a much more difficult choice. I could imagine a man who’d be a better fit for me—thanks, Hallmark—but there was no guy in my life who fit the bill, much less one in my immediate circle, conveniently around for the holidays in case I decided I needed a boyfriend upgrade.

Over the next six weeks I thought and prayed and talked to wise friends, and then I ended my relationship with this boyfriend. I knew it was a risk to forego “Paul” in hopes of finding “Cody” because the real world doesn’t deliver happy endings as frequently or as quickly as Hallmark—but I decided it was worth it. Almost three years later, my risk paid off in the appearance of my Cody—my husband, Greg. He is just as handsome, genuinely goodhearted, and amazing as Cody—and even more so because he is a real person. I’m so thankful that I didn’t allow my immediate desire to have a boyfriend keep me in a mediocre relationship that would have cost me my wonderful husband down the road.

I don’t believe that if we’re simply willing to wait long enough, every circumstance will end happily. Life is complex and messy and hard. However, I do believe that many areas of our lives—relationships, career, spirituality—remain less than what they could be because they go unchallenged. Good enough supplants best. This principle is applicable to every person in every stage of life, but I’m thinking specifically of the girls I’ve mentored over the past years, most of whom are now ages 18 to 25. They are going to college, dating, getting their first “real” jobs, getting married, and moving across the country. I hope that they’ll have the courage to ask hard questions, take risks, refuse to settle, and live with a little ambiguity.

By the way, those who have a relationship with God through Jesus (John 14:6) will receive the ultimate happy ending—heaven (Revelation 21)—as well as numerous earthly blessings (Psalm 31:19), like peace (Galatians 5:22), comfort in hard times (2 Corinthians 1:3-4), and answers to prayer (Luke 18:1-8). God even promises to give wisdom to those who ask Him for it (James 1:5), so we can be confident that we don’t have to navigate difficult decisions alone (Matthew 28:20). Maybe life isn’t a Hallmark movie, but with God it can be even better.

If you haven’t seen The Christmas Card, do yourself a favor, and make time to watch it today!

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15 Superficial Things for which I'm Super Thankful

This is the month of thankfulness, and I have so much for which to be thankful. Today I sat down to write a deeply passionate post about the people and experiences for which I am profoundly grateful, and, well, I just wasn’t feelin’ it. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m feeling quite grateful; I’m just not feeling very deep.

Allow me to take a rain check on that passion and share with you some things of which I am similarly fond and yet in which I am not nearly as emotionally invested. In keeping with my “water your own grass” philosophy, I’ll narrow my focus and explore only those causes for thankfulness that have come into my life in the last year and several months, since I got married and moved to Kansas. So I present to you 15 Superficial Things For Which I’m Super Thankful:

1.  Puppies at True Value-Our local True Value Hardware Store typically has a few puppies for sale, putting “cuddle a puppy” on my list of go-to mood-lifters. Their marquee conveniently displays the breeds currently in house, allowing me to discerningly stop for golden retrievers and pass on the maltipoos.

2.  Abundance of country radio stations-Here there are six local country radio stations, meaning I can fill all of my car’s presets with my favorite tunes.

3.  Grocery shopping at Dillon’s-In Missouri I did my grocery shopping at WalMart, so Dillon's simply dazzled me with its clean floors, organized shelves, personalized coupons, and fuel points—it’s magical.

4.  Gilmore Girls on Netflix-Gilmore Girls came to Netflix immediately following my move, so Lorelai and Rory were my first friends in Kansas.

5.  My Kitchenaid mixer-Since my newlywed realization that I married The Cookie Monster, I always make a double batch, and my mixer helps me get the job done quickly.

6.  Town Facebook page-One evening I answered the door to a guy selling security systems, and because I am naturally suspicious, I thought he was casing the place. Thanks to a lengthy discussion about this very salesman on the town Facebook page I determined that he was indeed legit, though not getting anywhere with the also wary residents of my neighborhood.

7.  Driving my husband’s truck-If you think this is about a little woman getting on some kind of power trip from driving a giant vehicle then, well, you’re exactly right.

8.  Super Pretzel accessibility at my grocery store-My old grocery store frequently disappointed my craving for these tasty bread pretzels as they were located on the top shelf in the freezer section and vastly popular, typically leaving one taunting box in view and out of reach for this just-too-short girl. At my new grocery store Super Pretzels are kept on the bottom shelf. Score.

9.  Free shipping from my Mary Kay lady-My long-time Mary Kay lady ships my makeup to my new home in Kansas for no extra charge. You’re the best, Mindy!

10.  3-minute drive to work-Yes, in Missouri I only drove 5 minutes to work, so this isn’t quite as revolutionary as it may seem at first, but if you know how I do with mornings, you know that every minute counts.

11.  Thinking face emoji-The iOS 9.1 set of emojis includes the “thinking face” emoji, which in my opinion looks a bit skeptical with its raised eyebrow, perfectly expressing how I feel about numerous situations… Text from Greg: “Babe, will you help with the pasture burning tonight? I’ve got a wet gunny sack for you to use.” Text from me: [Insert thinking face emoji.]

12.  Perpetually clean windshield-My husband can’t stand a dirty windshield, so my windshield is always sparkling through no effort of my own.

13.  ibotta-No, I am not a crazy coupon lady. This handy app gives me rebates on items I already buy, and before I know it I’ve got enough fun money for a new book from Amazon!

14.  Cultural obsession with planners-I’ve always been very attached to my day-planner, but in the past year I’ve discovered via Pinterest an entire community of people who have taken it to the next level. They've given me some great ideas, and their stickers, washi tape, cleaning schedules, and budget binders make my color-coding seem normal by comparison.

15.  My husband’s fried okra-We grew okra this summer, and Greg makes delicious lightly-breaded, crispy fried okra. Yum!

This list was intentionally superficial and did not scratch the surface of the mountain of more substantive things for which I am grateful. However, these “little” things should not be underestimated—they are small but mighty in their ability to bring me joy and turn my day around.

I believe that every good thing that comes to us is a gift straight from the hand of God (James 1:17) because He loves us (John 3:16) and loves to give good things to us (Matthew 7:11) because He is good (Psalm 136:1). God, thanks for all Your gifts, superficial and otherwise. I think You’re super.

What are some superficial things for which you’re thankful? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!

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How to Treat a Girl on a Ski Trip: Insider Tips for Guys

It’s almost ski season, and twenty-somethings everywhere are planning trips to Winter Park, Breckenridge, and Copper Mountain. Ski trips provide a wide range of opportunities not only for sport and fun but also for relationships to grow.

My friend, Joy, and I have performed an intensive case study on male behavior on ski trips over the past few years by skiing with a wide range of guys—from crushes to boyfriends to long-time buddies to friends of friends of friends. Our extensive research focused specifically on how these men interacted with us--average girls who, for each of them, fell somewhere on a continuum from “just friends” to “I want to marry this girl.”

We found that our level of romantic interest in each of these males and theirs in us had little bearing on how we wanted to be treated by them. So, Guys, whether you’d like to DTR (Define The Relationship) by the fire in the lodge or simply show her that you’re not a jerk, use our insider tips for how to treat a girl on a ski trip.

In the car—Long car rides are just part of the deal. Use it to your advantage.

1.  She knows you’ve got skills; you could win a sleeping competition, and yet you’ve got supersonic hearing whenever the word “Chickfila” is spoken. Show her you’ve got some conversational skills; take the earbuds out, and talk to her.

2.  If you’re driving on a snowy mountain road and your vehicle has four-wheel drive, use it. She’s not impressed that your pride and two-wheel drive are getting the job done, especially when the vehicle rolls backwards and narrowly misses a tree. She’d like to arrive alive.

3.  If there’s a police officer walking towards your car and your buddy yells at you to put on your seatbelt, do it. If due to the fact that you are not wearing a seatbelt, the police officer tells you to “wait here” so he can get his citation book, don’t drive away. If you’ve chosen to disobey a police order by driving away, don’t return to the scene of the crime; take another route home. The police officer might still be staked out in the same spot hours later, and your girl likes to feel her heart race on a mogul run, not in the passenger seat of your car. She’s not accustomed to running from the law like you apparently are, and she doesn’t want to bail you out of jail.

At your place—Will the ladies on the ski trip be stopping at your place for any length of time? Be prepared.

4.  If an overnight stay at your place is necessary, give her your bedroom, and sleep on the living room couch. You’ll get major points for this…but you’ll lose some of them if she finds crumbs in your bed.

5.  Have at least a shred of toilet paper in your house…or a Kleenex…or a napkin… Anything!

On the slopes—Even if you’re a black diamond pro, the mountain offers many scenarios that can make you or break you.

6.  Offer to help carry her equipment. Some girls like to pull their own weight, and others welcome the assistance of a strong man like you. You won’t know which kind of girl you’re dealing with until you ask, and no girl likes to be left in your dust—I mean powder—to figure it out herself.

7.  If you have any interest in a romantic future with the girl on your trip, don’t get so excited about the awesome girl from your past who magically appears in the lift line. Weigh your options carefully because you’re sealing your fate, dude.

8.  She knows you can smoke her in any kind of race because your sense of your own mortality is not as healthy as hers. Slow it down to her pace for at least one run per day.

9.  Don’t talk about Lindsey Vonn. Your in-the-flesh girl doesn’t appreciate your fascination with her or any other beautiful athletes.

10.  When she falls, take your cue from her as to how you should react. If she’s laughing about it, you can laugh too, but don’t you dare laugh harder than she’s laughing.

At the lodge—Relax those sore muscles in the hot tub at the lodge, but don’t relax those relational muscles.

11.  Help with the dishes. When she says, “I think I’ll clean up these dishes now,” what she’s really saying is, “I think you should clean up these dishes now, and I’m giving you a golden opportunity to prove that you’re a gentleman. Wanna take it?”

12.  You’ll always have Ninja Warrior on TV. You won’t always have the opportunity to interact with this girl…particularly if you keep watching Ninja Warrior. Turn it off.

Guys, I hope you see that with a little intentionality you can set yourself apart from the jokers on your ski trip. You might even win your girl’s heart—or at least five bucks towards your bail money.

This article is dedicated to my husband, with whom I have not yet had the pleasure of going on a ski trip. Now he’s prepared for when the time comes—as if he needed any help! He’s never failed to provide for my toilet paper needs.

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My Soul Needs a Pumpkin Spice Latte

Summer has always been my favorite season due to the wider range of possibility she brings. I say she because she is a dear friend, and she is a blast! I always welcome her return. My first few years of post-college jobs were spent working for a high school and university, where work was slower in the summer months, so from childhood to adulthood Summer has given me the gift of a freer schedule. More discretionary hours and warmer weather translates to more options and opportunities for adventure.

One glorious summer I spent a week in Dallas—complete with a Six Flags visit--to be a bridesmaid in a wedding, traveled to Nashville for the Country Music Awards Festival, went on a float trip to Arkansas, threw myself a birthday party, spent two weeks in Alaska hiking, kayaking, and moose-watching, had several job interviews, and also enjoyed my fair share of Summer’s everyday delights—bike rides, game nights, movie nights, Sonic runs, picnics, and laying out by the pool. Did I mention that all these events occurred in just over six weeks? In case you hadn’t noticed, I love to go and do.

When the first cool day happens each autumn, I observe a moment of silence for the passing of Summer, and I’ve been known to shed a tear on this occasion, knowing that my exciting, up-for-anything friend won’t be around again for three quarters of a year, which seems like a very long time. In her place comes Fall, a much more laid-back companion. She’s not as much of a party girl, and I wouldn’t necessarily describe her as “fun to be with,” but if I’m honest, her arrival is a relief.

You see, Summer has me racing from one experience to the next so fast that I can’t catch my breath. Despite the grand time we have, my body and even more so my soul—the very core of myself—begins to feel tired and unbalanced, like something is missing even amidst all the activity.

Though Fall has a busyness of her own, she’s not likely to entice me to the kind of crazy calendar I described to you earlier. Her chilly weather and back-to-normal routines narrow the options for me and encourage me, my soul, to take a deep breath, put on a cozy sweater, get lost in a good book, and sip a pumpkin spice latte. Where Summer urges me to go and do, Fall reminds me to be. To be content. To be myself. To be present. To be quiet. To simply be.

I was created—both soul and body—to both do and be, to work, play, and rest. The concept of Sabbath suggests a regular rhythm for work and rest, as does my body’s need for sleep at the end of every day. I wonder if the seasons of the year were also intended to serve as reminders that I need to engage in many different states of being in order to be a whole, healthy person. I don’t know, but this year I’m allowing Fall to slow me down and to give me the time and space and permission to rest and to reflect…over a pumpkin spice latte.

How will you allow Fall to help you to simply be? Tell me in the comments.

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Varenna, Italy

I’m daydreaming about Italy today, particularly the charming town of Varenna, located on the shore of Lake Como in northern Italy. If you’re enchanted by the thought of cobblestone streets, wistful accordion music, lush pink hydrangeas, and the fragrance of freshly baked bread, put Varenna on your list of must-see destinations.

Varenna is one of several tourist hotspots at Lake Como. At only about an hour by train, it is one of the more accessible lakeside towns from Milan, making it a perfect day-long escape from the big city. I accompanied my husband on a business trip to Milan in August, and we found ourselves in need of just such a getaway, so we headed to Varenna.

The short walk from the train station to the lakeshore showed Greg and I scenery that was decidedly Mediterranean, with old vine-covered villas and stately cypress trees. The lake itself was beautiful, and we could see several hillside towns across the water. We wandered along the lakeside path, noticing swans and fishing boats on our right and colorful houses built right on top of each other on our left.

We happened upon Villa Monastero, an ancient monastery-turned-residence and deliberated as to whether or not we should tour its gardens for five euros each. We decided to do it and were glad that we did! The gardens were breathtaking. For the next hour we meandered along trails of manicured shrubs and trees, admiring statues, giant aloe vera plants, and fuchsia petunias trailing from stone pots.

For lunch we located a restaurant with a cozy patio on the water’s edge. We watched the ferry travel between towns while we ate creamy gnocchi made with local cheese, nutty arugula salad, and crusty bread. Refreshed, we decided to hike to the nearby town of Vezio to see its castle. Though we walked for only half an hour on a nice, cobbled path, the climb was steep. The sky had darkened with an impending storm, and though we’d encountered other travelers in the town, we saw few other people now, adding a sense of adventure to this leg of our journey.

When we reached the castle grounds, we paid several euros to enter. From the courtyard we walked across a drawbridge to a tower. Inside the tower we climbed about five flights of rickety stairs and finally emerged to a landing, from which we enjoyed the most gorgeous view yet of the lake, Varenna, and the surrounding forested countryside. Greg remarked that he could feel the tower moving with the wind, and we had begun to hear thunder, so we relished the breeze for a moment and then began our descent.

We rested on a bench in tiny Vezio and listened to the sounds of normal life—women talking loudly, a dog barking—and this dreamy place seemed to me to be stuck in time. As we hiked back down to Varenna to catch a train back to Milan, I realized that I’d had my first real taste of Italy, and I was hooked.

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"Give him the wiper:" Catharsis

“Give him the wiper!” Such were my college roommate’s fervent instructions from the passenger seat as a car cut me off in traffic. “Excuse me?”, I said. “You know, the wiper!”, she said as if I should know about this. I didn’t, so she explained. “The wiper” is the straight-laced cousin of the infamous middle finger. When behind the wheel and enticed to make an angry crude gesture due to the actions of another driver, someone employing “the wiper” would simply click their windshield wipers on and then click them off again after one “wipe,” trading a flip off for a flip on and off. I tried it, and it made me feel better. It also made me laugh…which made me feel even better.

This clever tool, imperceptible to the offender, was useful in dispelling road rage, and several years later I found it to be especially helpful following a breakup. There’s no avoiding an ex-boyfriend in a small town, particularly when said ex drives a red car. I could see that thing coming for miles, and it stirred up all sorts of angry feelings. How could he drive around so shamelessly as if he hadn’t just broken my heart? Soon after these thoughts began, I’d hear my roomie telling me, “Give him the wiper!”, and I would, and I’d feel a little better, a little lighter. Sometimes I’d chuckle because of the ridiculous nature of the practice and because I felt like I knew something he didn’t know, a happy secret.

What was really going on here was something called catharsis. Catharsis is basically any action—such as a quick flick of windshield wipers—that allows emotion—like anger—to be expressed, which in turn causes tension to be released. The action gives the emotion a place to go, and that place is away from oneself. I don’t know about you, but as an upstanding member of society and particularly as a Christian, sometimes I need to be reminded that expressing emotions, even negative ones, is healthy. I’ve learned that anger and sadness don’t simply disappear into the universe given enough time. They may lessen in intensity, but they will dissipate into my thoughts, words, and actions, affecting my work, health, and relationships.

We don’t need to spend all of our time and money on counseling in order to exercise good emotional hygiene—though I consider counseling a worthy investment. There are plenty of simple ways we can express negative emotions constructively, experiencing the immediate benefit of cathartic release and long-term bonuses of peace of mind, increased ability to be present, and general pleasantness to others.

Here are some of my favorite practical outlets for emotion:

  • Journaling - That  notebook and God won’t tell a soul, and guess what? They can handle your junk.
  • Conversation - Verbal processing with a friend can help you feel heard and understood. Vent to a mature friend who neither lets you plot murder nor condemns you for wanting to do so.
  • Exercise - Fitness junkie or not, I bet that like me you’ve occasionally been so mad that you just had to do something physical. Don’t punch a wall; go for a run.
  • Crying - This may be more of a necessity for girls than guys, so, ladies, if we’re crying just to cry, let’s make sure to spell this out for any men in the vicinity so they know they’re not in the doghouse and we don’t need to be sent to the nut house.

How have you experienced catharsis? What’s your go-to for expressing negative emotion in a healthy way? Tell me in the comments.

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Green Grass

There’s something about green grass that speaks my language. I’ve always considered green to be the loveliest of colors and the great outdoors the place I want to be. Green grass has been a golden thread in the story of my life, present in a thousand happy memories. From barefoot backyard exploration as a little girl to laying in the yard stargazing with my high school best friends to cheering at a college flag football game to driving through hilly Ozark back roads in the setting sun to falling in love with my husband on a spring evening while we strolled around his family’s farm—green grass has been there in each moment, providing a backdrop for so many scenes of my life.

Green grass—lush and flourishing—hints at something deeper, that there is life here and not only life but abundant, rich life, health, growth, and possibility. I long for that kind of life, and I’d be willing to bet that you do too. I want the kind of life that is full and fruitful not only for me but also for the people whom my life touches. And though my natural desire is for ease and comfort and material abundance, at the end of the day I’d rather have purpose and meaning, to be rich in relationships and full of what matters. I happen to believe that this abundant life is accessible and not only accessible but also intended for each of us by God and made available to us through Jesus. Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10)

No matter what you believe about God, I imagine you’d agree that at times the concept of an abundant life seems slippery in light of present circumstances. If you’re like me, your current season is a mixed bag of joy and sorrow, fulfillment and discouragement. I got married a little over a year ago and moved back to my home state of Kansas. I love being my husband’s wife and living life with him more than I can put into words. I’m enjoying working a traditional job only part-time, which has allowed me to pursue some dreams I hadn’t made time for in the past. This season also has the potential to be very rich in relationships, as we live close to both of our families and have many wonderful new friends. But I left behind a town I loved dearly, precious friends I’d had for nearly ten years, career and volunteer roles I found fulfilling, and in general a life I thought I just might live forever. So I confess that even among all the hope and possibility of this new season of life, among the hundreds of reasons I have to be grateful, at times I’ve felt a little lost and not a little sad, and I’ve been tempted to believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

I’m no expert on living an abundant life, but I’m confident that it won’t happen if I’m not sure that this—my current reality, place, and people—is the life I want. I’m also convinced that this lush life won’t just happen, like winning the lottery. It must be cultivated, tended, watched, waited on, prayed over, cried over, loved. Neil Barringham said, “The grass is greener where you water it,” and these days I’m working on watering my own grass, cultivating a lush life on my own side of the fence.

This philosophical shift will have endless practical applications, but I believe it starts with an attitude change, the choice to believe that the here and now—with its good, bad, and ugly--is the best life for me because it’s the one He gave me, and He is good. This isn’t simply positive thinking or a refusal to acknowledge difficulty; it’s a belief in something, Someone bigger than myself Who is directing my journey. “'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” (Jeremiah 29:11) That sounds like green grass to me.

How is your current season a mixed bag? What's a practical way you can water your own grass? Tell me in the comments!

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